There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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