Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
