I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
