dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
