The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
