at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
being pregnant is like rehab
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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