His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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