he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
