I didn't shave. On purpose
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
