No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I came so hard my ears popped.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
