wanna go halves on a baby?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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