??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
