Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
