saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
