): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
