i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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