i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
