help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
