from now on my penis is your penis
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
