i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
