Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
