the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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