Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
