I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
