dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
