I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my being single is dangerous.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
