I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
