that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
