you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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