Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
