I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
