im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I lost the right to judge tonight
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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