why didn't you poke me back
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
