Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
