i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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