The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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