it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
