Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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