Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
