i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
