Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
