Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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