I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
