you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
