It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
should my penis look like a turkey
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
