bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
