I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
These tits shall not be calmed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
