If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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