12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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