I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
