What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
