Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
