walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
