She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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