Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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