He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
