I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
