i was born a porn star she said
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Semen is not good for contacts.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
