My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
