I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
