Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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