I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
