Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This house was built for laser tag.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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