Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
