i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
