I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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