Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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