You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
