I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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