Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
