you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
