so explain again why im purple
no
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
