did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
