The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
