just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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