I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
