Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
