an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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