It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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