Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
