I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
