if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
