she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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