At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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